11/18/2013

Hello! Everyone :) 

I really have no idea if any one reads this anymore but I will be happy in 9 months when I will have this to look back on.  This week I learned a great lesson on doubts...strange I know. Before I left on my mission I just thought that in order to be a missionary you had to be 100% and completely doubtless. I am here to say that this is NOT true. So many times on my mission I have found myself by the edge of my bed praying over and over again to know if the book of mormon is true. At first I was embarrased that I was having to do that. I am a missionary for heaven sakes! I can't have any doubts or curiosity i thought! I have come to learn that doubt followed up by sincere prayer and studying is not something to be ashamed of at all, but this is what makes our testimonies grow the most. The promise in the Book of Mormon isn't like a ticket to the movies, once punched, can't be used again. But this promise is eternal! It can be used over and over. And we WILL receive an answer.
 so this week was crazy ...we decided to fast on friday for lisa to get better...( she has been so sick after having her baby and her baptism date is coming up )  and for evelyn to get her head on straight and really decide if this is something she wants. well...it was the hardest time i have ever had fasting. My testimony sunk to a low that I haven't ever before felt. I was FILLED with ...doubt.  satan was just getting to both of us. we were both so down and our spirit were so depressed. we knelt in prayer and asked for help!  we both felt distinctly to go outside on a walk. ( this was during studies.) so we bundled up and went outside. we walked across the street and there was this man standing outside. his name was maurice. we talked to him for maybe 20 seconds and he told us he wanted to go to church with us on sunday. we left him with a card but we realized when we got back that we didn't have his address or telephone number so we were just going to knock every apartment sunday morninghaha. After this all of our doubt was washed away! We came back in the apartment and studied the part in the New testament where the savior fasts for forty days and forty nights (way longer then we fasted haha) but what hit me the hardest was something it said towards the end. It didn't say that after the savior triumphed and Satan left defeated forever! it said that satan left of a season. FOR A SEASON. The Savior as perfect as He is. He being the Son of God was faced with doubt and temptation not only once but OFTEN. This was such a comfort to me. Doubt is what helps us to grow. the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding!
well..Sunday came...and Maurice called us! he came to church and loved it! he stood up and said in elders quorum that he was loving it and was going to come back ALWAYS! haha we introduced him to the ysa elders and it was way smooth. he is totally getting baptized. This would have NEVER happened if it weren't for yes, DOUBT. It is 100% completley okay to doubt but first like elder Uchtdorf said "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". Pray, Study, and seek answers.
Then we turn behind us in sacrament meeting and EVELYN and LISA were sitting there looking as happy as ever! they told us that they weren't going to come and then they were there!
We went over later and lisa told us that brother johnson ( her parents home teacher) came and gave her a blessing and she asked him if he would baptize her! Also she asked us how she could get to be a primary teacher hahahaha. yeah she is awesome.

11/11/2013

Hello there!
This week I had the incredible experience of being interviewed one on one by Elder Carlson of the seventy. He came to our mission for our conference and i was able to talk to him! We had a great conversation about forgiving ourselves. Something that we all know that I am TERRIBLE at, but getting better :) He pointed out something on his thumb and asked me what it was...me being a bit confused answered "your knuckle?" He responded with a laugh that is was actually a scar. He related this to the Atonement and my favorite topic...forgiving yourself :). He pointed out that I had no idea that it was actually a scar on this thumb....I admitted that i didn't. He shared that a lot of times we worry so much that everyone is just staring at our scars and our flaws when in reality you are the only one that sees them. I could relate. He then repeated over and over that the scar is not the wound! The wound had been all healed up, just like most of spiritual wounds. And the thumb still worked even with the scar!! the scar that HE only knew was there! We sometimes are left with spiritual scars to remind us to stay away from danger, and to remind us what we have learned and how far we have come. This may sound harsh but remember the SCAR IS NOT THE WOUND.
The thumb still works just fine. We all deserve to be a little more patient with ourselves. " we can all learn from that voice from heaven. it is not loud, scolding, or demeaning; it was a still small voice of perfect mildness, giving firm direction wile giving hope" We should all learn to talk to ourselves in this way.

LOVE YOU

11/4/2013

I have learned so much this week about what it means to love. I remember awhile back my dad sent me an email explaining that there are three types of love...1. I love you because....2.I love you  if....and 3. I love you even though...To be honest I hadn't thought a ton about that until this last week. I have been blessed to have so many people in my life to love and to be loved by. However I haven't realized until this last week what it means to sacrifice for someone you love. My companion is sick with migraines ( one of them) and the mission doctor called this morning saying that she might be sent home. On a mission you learn to love your companions...and I have been fortunate to get along well with them all so far. But I have learned a very valuable lesson this past week that in order to really show someone you love them, In order for your heart to sincerely, selflessly love them...you MUST sacrifice. There is no other way. I have learned that just because you get along well, tolerate, or like being with someone does not mean that you LOVE them. Christ-like love comes from serving selflessly. You must forget yourself. Because of all the time we have spent inside, I have had a lot of time to ponder this topic. I thought back to the people in my life that I told over and over again that I loved them! Then...I thought about the sacrifices I made for them. And the sum total was...zero. I am so grateful for this learning lesson now in life. TRUE CHRIST-LIKE LOVE = SACRIFICE. there is no other way. There can not be any other equation.