GO and DO

Where do I even start! The last month has been by far the craziest of my whole life. I started having really bad back pains in the beginning of December, and it scared me SO bad. I DID NOT want to be sent home. Long story short I ended up staying in the hospital for a short time in MD and here I am back in good ol North Ogden. The hospital was a crazy experience haha thank goodness for Sister Cox she kept me sane. I never really understood how bad I was at understanding accents until that week. I had an awesome room mate there that I really got to know. We would stay up some nights talking late into the night, and the curtain was always was open in our room. I think our nurses thought we were crazy! Maybe we were, but I don't think I could have been able to stand being alone. I am so grateful for that new friendship.
I came home right before Christmas...I honestly don't even remember what day.( It feels like an eternity!) I remember being so relieved and at peace when my mission president told me I would be going home to get it taken care of. NOT a normal feeling for me! I was sure that everything would work out, I would do 6 weeks of physical therapy and be right back out doing what I love. I was certain that there was some reason. Some specific reason that I would be coming home. I am still trying to figure that part out.
Our flight got delayed 10 hours! Luckily we met a member at the airport and he just happened to have games that kept us busy while we waited for our flight. The walk from the plane to the escalator at Salt Lake was the longest walk of my whole entire life. I think I stopped and gave myself a pep talk 10 times! WHY. Why in the world was this happening to me. Why me? Why now? Well...I have stopped asking why and started asking WHAT. What can I do. What can I change. What can I be. What is His will. ( Still not sure...trying to figure that part out)
Being home has been the hardest transfer of my mission! They even made me take off my name badge and people call me Tayleur. A new name, a new language, a new culture, new music, new food, new everything! I think the hardest part has been not having a companion to listen to every thought that crosses my mind...I don't think I ever realized how much I talk until now. My back has been a roller coaster. At first they thought they new exactly what was wrong, and I got all of my hopes up! But..nothing got better. So more blood tests, and MRI's. I just miss Rita's, Sister Cox, Savage Mill Ward, Lisa and Evelyn, Jeremy and Porter, SHEP-TOWN, cupcakes from the sweet shop, and Miss Kim. I miss things I never thought I would miss...I miss the humidity, the giant centipedes, Scot's Manor, crazy food, ghetto talk, and car fasts. I miss it all.
So, after no progress was being made of course my stubborn little self got all discouraged. I was asking WHY again. Why me. One night I got my answer. I started reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning ( me and my companion finished it  together the first night in the E.R.) and while I was reading I was blown away of the story of Lehi and his family leaving and fleeing into the wilderness! They left everything they knew. ALL of there friends. ALL of there riches and favorite things. They left there house. They left there home town. They left everything! Kind of like a mission...you leave everything behind for one thing...God. You trust like crazy and sometimes people might even murmur. You might have doubts. You might even still have fears. But everything is okay. Just like the family in the BOM...everything is okay. But then God decides to make them stretch to do something they totally are not okay with! He asks them to go back! What! You just had us leave...why me? Why now? (sound familiar) A quote I found from my main man C.S. Lewis sums it all up pretty good..."Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on, you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanations is that He is building quite  a different house from the one you thought of- throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent  little cottage; but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself." They didn't want to leave again! They just left everything and they just started to understand the "WHY" of that. And now you are asking me to leave again, go back to what I loved. And Laman and Lemuel murmured. ( kind of like me A LOT of the time. I am workin on it.). But Nephi says to his father: I will GO and DO the things which the Lord hath commanded (even if I don't understand the WHY), for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them ( He has it all planned out. All Nephi has to do is trust.) that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.
For now this is my answer. To GO and DO. Whatever Heavenly Father has planned for me will all make sense in the end. Whether I get to go back out or not. Whether I find out now why I am here or not. Trust. " Trust in Him. Trust Him who knows all things. Trust Him who has all power. Trust Him whose love for you is perfect. Trust Him, who alone suffered, paid and atoned for your sins, and for your weaknesses as well. Trust Him that He will make of you, immeasurably more, than what you will ever, ever in all eternity, make of yourself. He will create of you a masterpiece. You will create of you only a smudge. You will create an ordinary man. He will create a God." - C.S. Lewis.

12/9/2013

Where do I even start? This week we met a new investigator named Autumn. Me and my last companion met her out on the street a few weeks ago walking her dog! We hit if off and she asked us to come back in a few weeks after her wedding and "hang out". Haha so we did :) She was so excited to see us and invited us right in. Eventually the conversation turned to the gospel. We talked about God and how He is our loving Heavenly Father. She just started crying...we asked her what she was feeling and she just kept talking about how she felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders :) Everyone pray for Autumn.

We got in with a less active member from Liberia haha she made us try some of her ginger beer  and we both tried so hard to choke it down haha are throats were one fire. But she was SO nice.

Yesterday it snowed and snowed and then rained some ice. I was sliding all over the place ( walking not driving don't worry) we weren't allowed to drive the cars and church got canceled so we walked around and helped people shovel! It was tons of fun and we met a lot of new people. We were able to watch the christmas devotional last night and I got to hear from my favorite apostle Elder Russel M. Nelson.

But...I think my favorite thing that happened this week, happened many miles away from where I was. In the Bountiful temple on December 5th at 8 a.m. (10 a.m. my time) My paka and grandma were sealed in the temple! What a special day. I am so grateful for the knowledge we all have of the restored gospel and that families can be together forever. I am grateful for them and there sacrifice to be there. I am so grateful to my parents, that decided years ago that they wanted something more. That they didn't want to settle for anything less than forever.

I love you all!

11/18/2013

Hello! Everyone :) 

I really have no idea if any one reads this anymore but I will be happy in 9 months when I will have this to look back on.  This week I learned a great lesson on doubts...strange I know. Before I left on my mission I just thought that in order to be a missionary you had to be 100% and completely doubtless. I am here to say that this is NOT true. So many times on my mission I have found myself by the edge of my bed praying over and over again to know if the book of mormon is true. At first I was embarrased that I was having to do that. I am a missionary for heaven sakes! I can't have any doubts or curiosity i thought! I have come to learn that doubt followed up by sincere prayer and studying is not something to be ashamed of at all, but this is what makes our testimonies grow the most. The promise in the Book of Mormon isn't like a ticket to the movies, once punched, can't be used again. But this promise is eternal! It can be used over and over. And we WILL receive an answer.
 so this week was crazy ...we decided to fast on friday for lisa to get better...( she has been so sick after having her baby and her baptism date is coming up )  and for evelyn to get her head on straight and really decide if this is something she wants. well...it was the hardest time i have ever had fasting. My testimony sunk to a low that I haven't ever before felt. I was FILLED with ...doubt.  satan was just getting to both of us. we were both so down and our spirit were so depressed. we knelt in prayer and asked for help!  we both felt distinctly to go outside on a walk. ( this was during studies.) so we bundled up and went outside. we walked across the street and there was this man standing outside. his name was maurice. we talked to him for maybe 20 seconds and he told us he wanted to go to church with us on sunday. we left him with a card but we realized when we got back that we didn't have his address or telephone number so we were just going to knock every apartment sunday morninghaha. After this all of our doubt was washed away! We came back in the apartment and studied the part in the New testament where the savior fasts for forty days and forty nights (way longer then we fasted haha) but what hit me the hardest was something it said towards the end. It didn't say that after the savior triumphed and Satan left defeated forever! it said that satan left of a season. FOR A SEASON. The Savior as perfect as He is. He being the Son of God was faced with doubt and temptation not only once but OFTEN. This was such a comfort to me. Doubt is what helps us to grow. the acorn of honest inquiry has often sprouted and matured into a great oak of understanding!
well..Sunday came...and Maurice called us! he came to church and loved it! he stood up and said in elders quorum that he was loving it and was going to come back ALWAYS! haha we introduced him to the ysa elders and it was way smooth. he is totally getting baptized. This would have NEVER happened if it weren't for yes, DOUBT. It is 100% completley okay to doubt but first like elder Uchtdorf said "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith". Pray, Study, and seek answers.
Then we turn behind us in sacrament meeting and EVELYN and LISA were sitting there looking as happy as ever! they told us that they weren't going to come and then they were there!
We went over later and lisa told us that brother johnson ( her parents home teacher) came and gave her a blessing and she asked him if he would baptize her! Also she asked us how she could get to be a primary teacher hahahaha. yeah she is awesome.

11/11/2013

Hello there!
This week I had the incredible experience of being interviewed one on one by Elder Carlson of the seventy. He came to our mission for our conference and i was able to talk to him! We had a great conversation about forgiving ourselves. Something that we all know that I am TERRIBLE at, but getting better :) He pointed out something on his thumb and asked me what it was...me being a bit confused answered "your knuckle?" He responded with a laugh that is was actually a scar. He related this to the Atonement and my favorite topic...forgiving yourself :). He pointed out that I had no idea that it was actually a scar on this thumb....I admitted that i didn't. He shared that a lot of times we worry so much that everyone is just staring at our scars and our flaws when in reality you are the only one that sees them. I could relate. He then repeated over and over that the scar is not the wound! The wound had been all healed up, just like most of spiritual wounds. And the thumb still worked even with the scar!! the scar that HE only knew was there! We sometimes are left with spiritual scars to remind us to stay away from danger, and to remind us what we have learned and how far we have come. This may sound harsh but remember the SCAR IS NOT THE WOUND.
The thumb still works just fine. We all deserve to be a little more patient with ourselves. " we can all learn from that voice from heaven. it is not loud, scolding, or demeaning; it was a still small voice of perfect mildness, giving firm direction wile giving hope" We should all learn to talk to ourselves in this way.

LOVE YOU

11/4/2013

I have learned so much this week about what it means to love. I remember awhile back my dad sent me an email explaining that there are three types of love...1. I love you because....2.I love you  if....and 3. I love you even though...To be honest I hadn't thought a ton about that until this last week. I have been blessed to have so many people in my life to love and to be loved by. However I haven't realized until this last week what it means to sacrifice for someone you love. My companion is sick with migraines ( one of them) and the mission doctor called this morning saying that she might be sent home. On a mission you learn to love your companions...and I have been fortunate to get along well with them all so far. But I have learned a very valuable lesson this past week that in order to really show someone you love them, In order for your heart to sincerely, selflessly love them...you MUST sacrifice. There is no other way. I have learned that just because you get along well, tolerate, or like being with someone does not mean that you LOVE them. Christ-like love comes from serving selflessly. You must forget yourself. Because of all the time we have spent inside, I have had a lot of time to ponder this topic. I thought back to the people in my life that I told over and over again that I loved them! Then...I thought about the sacrifices I made for them. And the sum total was...zero. I am so grateful for this learning lesson now in life. TRUE CHRIST-LIKE LOVE = SACRIFICE. there is no other way. There can not be any other equation.

10/28/2013

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:

Who, when he had found one pearl of great price went and sold all that he had, and bought it."

I have been thinking a ton about this scripture this week and what is means to be a consecrated missionary. Even more than that and for everyone reading this, what is means to be a consecrated person. I remember a story my institute teacher told me last year around this time. In the story a young girl decides she wants a string of pearls just like her mom. Her parents tell her that if she saves up all of her pennies that they will take her to go buy her pearls. She works and works and saves up ALL of her pennies! And her parents kept there promise. They took her down to the nearest dollar store and proudly the little girl bought her new treasure. She wore them every day! While she played! While she swam! and even in the tub. Every night when the little girls dad would tuck her in he would ask if she loved him. She would respond of course daddy, of course I love you! And he would reply ...then give me your pearls. Oh No! She would say. Not my pearls. But ...you can have my favorite doll.

The process of this happened over and over and the girl had about given everything in her room to him. One night the father walked in and saw her crying by her bed with something in her hands. He asked what was wrong. She looked at him and said daddy! I love you. so here are my pearls.

She gave them up! She worked so hard! But she gave it all up! When she did this out of the back pocket of the father came a brand new, real set of pearls. Nothing fake or imitation. Nothing cheap or easy to buy. But the Pearls of great price.

Our Heavenly Father asks us the same question. And many of us respond in the same way...well...I love you but not that much. I will give you my Sundays, I will give you my scripture study, and prayers...but not my pearls. Not my imitation pearls. How silly of us when what he has is that pearl of great price! He is willing to give us more than we can imagine we ...easier said than done... just have to learn to consecrate ourselves.

So...give it all up. Everything unworthy, or worldly. Give it up! And in return you will receive so much more. You will receive that pearl of great price.

I love you all :) We had a fantastic week here. We have been working a ton with less actives and had 4 more of our brothers and sisters in sacrament meeting this week!  Keep praying for us that we may find those who are ready to here and act upon the gospel.